What I Advise For a First Date – 10 Tips

The best place I can advise you to go for a first date is meeting her at either a coffee shop (or decent bar/restaurant) if she is a complete stranger or if you have a familiarity with the lady, picking her up to go play pool, miniature golf or to eat at a decent bar/restaurant.

In any case, you are NOT going to spend over about 2-3 hours with her MAX for the first date.

On our radio show we have a phrase: “men rush into rejection.”

That means that a lot of guys find a woman they really like and then get in her face way too much. They call her all the time, ask her to go out on another date while they are on a date, give her flowers and candy plus more things that hurt their cause.

All the guy is doing is showing her that he likes her, right? What is wrong with that?

Problem is that women do not respond to a guy they can figure out right away. They want to laugh, have a good time (remember the song, “Girls Just Want To Have Fun?”), and anticipate whether or not the guy is ever going to call them again (if they are not structured or hard headed, that is, and you do not want a woman like that anyway).

On a first date you want to do the following:

1. Show her that you are a gentleman by pulling her chair out, keeping your eyes looking at her eyes and focusing totally on her (without staring at the waitress). Yes, manners and class do count when you are dealing with a good woman.

2. Take her to a place where you two can talk. Concerts and movies are bad first date ideas. Loud bars are bad first date ideas. Games like pool and miniature golf can be good because you can really be playful with each other. Decent bars and restaurants with light or no music are all right as well. You want to be able to talk with her.

3. Make sure you make her laugh. I do not mean you have to be a stand up comedian and tell jokes but keep it light, keep it funny. If you lack a funny bone then please take an improvisation class or watch movies with comic geniuses that you admire. You must make her laugh and NEVER bring up downer subjects. She does not care that your ex girlfriend broke your heart 2 months back or that you did not get the video game you were anticipating when you were 11. Your job on the first date is to get a second date and you will not get a second date if you make her mama or your psychiatrist.

4. Let her do about 90% of the talking. Ask her thoughtful questions and ask her follow up questions to show you understand what you are asking. Women love to talk about what is going on in their lives and they get a “high” when you really listen to them. DO NOT let her drift into heavy subjects of her own. Remember, KEEP IT LIGHT, KEEP IT FUNNY. You let her do most of the talking because she enjoys it when a man listens AND the less talking you do, the more of a mystery you are to her. Every other guy on the planet wants to tell her all about himself, his accomplishments, his failures and frustrations but you are going to be DIFFERENT. She is going to laugh and have a good time and wonder where a guy like you has been hiding.

5. You do not want to take her to an expensive place. A woman with a good heart that is flexible and truly interested in you does not mind miniature golf or a coffee date. A woman that is a mercenary (gold digger), structured, or more interested in your credit card than you, will not respond positively to “inexpensive places” and that is good because you do not want a woman like that anyway. Might as well spend $8 on a couple of coffees to find out you have a mercenary on your hands as opposed to spending $100 at a fancy restaurant. If you have a good girl then down the road it is all right to spend money on her but early on, you have to find out what kind of girl you have. Do not spend too much.

6. Do not spend a lot of time with her (2-3 hours max). Remember, no matter how much rapport you two have, on a first date you are still basically strangers* so there is nothing good about having an extended date with her. Remember, she builds her feelings up for the guy as she is wondering about him and anticipating the next date. The more time you spend on the first date, the more you short circuit that process. You do not have to do it all in one date so make sure to get out on a high. Make sure she is anticipating a second date with you.

 

 

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